truth is painful

"DEJA VU"

walk alone...and ready to face the truth...

I need... i need... i need...

instinct told me that something important had happened only a moment ago, just out of my sight, perceived subliminally.

frowning...needed what??

*************************

My house was not merely quite but eerily still. My dad had taken my sisters to school..mum went to do some stuff at her office..but this childless silence was more than just a condition. it had substance...the air felt heavy with it.

Outside, the breezy and windy day was as hushed as the house. At the only window of my second-floor study, the wide louvers of the plantation shutters were ajar. Sunlight slanted between angled slats, imprinting the bench and carpet with narrow red-gold stripes as lustrous as fox fur... Sometimes i hate dusk! i hate this darker stage of twilight...i always had an eerie sense of deja vu at this moment...the feeling of deja vu can be a good thing sometimes, but it so unpleasant when it happens to me during dusk...dull during dusk!

Perhaps the silent seemed unnaturally deep only because the house had been filled with noise and bustle since Friday evening, when the schools had closed for the weekend break and my the one and the only brother came back from his hostel..great feeling when i met him..i missed them all...i should have gone to the mall with them to have the awesome window shopping..haha!at least we have spent one night at Puncak Lui, Hulu Langat and played with awesome mist on top of the hill when the sun raised!!during dawn, right after we finished perform prayer, we couldn't even see what is happening 10meters in front us outside the chalet because it was dreadfully foggy...such a vast and amazing panoramic view that u can catch up there!!

[i can't see my chalet down there...foggy]

[with flash!! cool!! isn't it?]

[ the magnificence of Allah, the Lord]

*************************

confident spirit... i need u to be as my soul at this moment!!!!

that 'thing' poached my heart,,, i know it is expected but urghhh,,,it is badly painful~~i think i just fell down into the rabbit hole and i found it.

well, guess IT"S TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC NOW!!! i need confident...i need...i need...

simple or real?

"REAL OR SIMPLE?"

Real friends??
What makes a real friend? you grew up together , went to school together or maybe shared those crazy times in your life exploring who you both are and what you want out of life. well,,my point of view bout 'friend' is,, friends can be and could be anything..that's sucks when u have such a freak friend. if i were u, sometimes i feel like i want to kick her/his ass off!! hey girls and dudes, get ur asses away from me! back off people!!haha~~[that's so not me]

so how do you know if you are real friends or just a simple friends??

* A simple friend has never seen you cry.
* A real friend has shoulders soggy and mushy from your tears.
....but i never ever cried in front of my friend,,,"act macho" haha~~! maybe for some of my girl-friends this is a very2 good way for u ladies!...

* A simple friend doesn't know your parent's first names.
* A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
....great to have this kind of true friend...but they never had!

* A simple friend brings a bouquet of flowers to your party
* A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

...both of these friends are good but remember who really care about how the party goes, even though that's not her/his own party but it shows how concern he/she is...right [not so sure bout this] ?

* A simple friend hates it when u call after she has gone to bed.
* A real friend ask you why you took so long to call.

...feel sucks when u need someone to talk to,,but that person refuses to do it so..but real friend does not care bout time and as long as she/he knows that u are happy when she/he is happy..if u feel sad..he/she is willing to cure that sadness..time is not a matter here!

* A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
* A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

...haha,,,this is so true..even myself can't avoid this...it is so hard to be a real friend like that..i wish i can be like that,, [maybe not yet]

* A simple friend wonders about your romantic history
* A real friend could blackmail you with it.

...agree?

* A simple friend, when visiting, acts like guest.
* A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
...hahahaha,,am i your real friend?? [refers to my friends who i hv visited her/his house]

* A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when u have an argument.
* A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

...ok, this is a very strong point about 'friend' when it starts and when it is over?? "friend forever" plays a role here,,,have anyone heard about friendship is over? if the simple friend thinks that way (argument breaks a relationship)...he/she shows how immature she/he is..there is an antidote for every disease and it same goes to the argument and problem..no matter how dramatic is ur argument,,there's a lot of ways to solve it...that's the time to face the music! call her/him...do confess and solve it as a professional not immature!

* A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
* A real friend expects to always be there for you.
... Ok..lets go straight to the main point…that is really hurt when u know ppl who u treat them as real friends leave u behind…how do u feel anyway?? don’t u feel mad?? They don’t get behind the fellow…!! And once they did this,,nobody can cure that madness...they just know how to exacerbate it...but they dont know how to cure...unless they know what ‘real friend’ means for that fellow.. [such a very vague statement...get the point?]

Now don't get me wrong. it's good to have simple friends, as they are fun and offer another network of people to socialize with.

But you can't bet real friends, can u admit that u are??

CRITICAL WEEKS!!

yeah!!!!!!my temperature is rising to the max!!!!

this week is gonna be a very busy week for me..seriously,,i got 1001 assigments and exams that hv to be done within this week and next week..here they are,,,

ARCHICAD DRAWING 8th JUNE 2009
BUILDING TECHNOLOGY (TOILET DRAWING) 8th JUNE 2009
BUILDING SCIENCE (BOARDS) 8th JUNE 2009
CULTURE (EXAM) 9th JUNE 2009
CULTURE (RESEARCH ESSAY) 9th JUNE 2009
BUILDING SCIENCE (EXAM) 10th JUNE 2009
BUILDING TECHNOLOGY (EXAM) 11th JUNE 2009
BUILDING TECHNOLOGY (PICNIC SHELTER PROJECT) 17th JUNE 2009
DESIGN 201 (PRESENTATION-SPA) 19th JUNE 2009
DESIGN 201 (PORTFOLIO) 19th JUNE 2009

[designing]

[modeling]

[calculation]

no mercy!

"LOYAL"

it's 5.25am now...staying up till morning and keep facing HAZEL(my desktop)...she's so tired cuz i didnt switch it off since 48hours ago..uhh..no..more than that!!! luckly u are a desktop.. my dear..eventhough architecture is 'snatching' our time with no mercy,,,remember..God will repay back every effort that we hv done to reach the success!keep up a good work hazel!!

LOSE

" this not the end of the journey..and bear in mind,,it never end...."

"LOSE"
**sigh**...urm...i know it kinda sad and cheerless to hear this news..i juz came back from class...and hoping there is gonna be a good news from "her"...i log on The Malaysian Insider (Tuesday, 4th June 2009)...yeah..it was really unexpected and unpredicted!! i guess now i should agree that,,,life is just like a wheel,,sometimes we are on top where we can see the beautiful rainbow is shining with 7colours reflect the atmosphere,,but sometimes we are at the down part where we just can shut our mouth up and eventhough we try to shout it out,,ppl up there won't listen to us...i hope 'she' always strong and never give up...this is not the end of the journey...

babsya!!!

" win a few, lose a few"

NO REGRETS!!

" LAMENT"

"well....sometimes i wish i can be like those people who can do work non-stop and supererogation and they be able to produce something superfluous and i can say it is superhuman,,,whereas myself,,,I'm just leaning my back like a supine position looking at the blue sky and hoping i can touch the rainbow...if i can do my work in a supersonic speed..i won't be late in any submission..but it just 'dreams of enlightenment' that maybe can build my self-confident..."

"My Lord(God), modestly,this is a supplication from deep inside my heart,,I'm here to make solicitation for something that I desired,humbly and earnestly in my life..."

ameenn...

it's too LATE!!!

"LATE"

shit! shit! shit! it's too late to submit my project...till this moment i'm not even finish yet!!this is freaking slow and sluggish! huh~~!supposedly, today is my submission for Design 201 (the ocean ensemble-SPA)..and again..same thing that happened last semester it happens to me now!!let's take it back to 6months++ ago...i couldnt submit my Client's House(Marilyn Monroe) Project on time...SOBERLY, this is a serious matter for me...even though i tried to go to Uni juz now,,,i gave up on the way to school...finally decided to return home a.s.a.p~~because IT'S TOO LATE!!! haiz~**sigh**~the next submission will be on 19th June 09..but that is the Presentation Day not marking!! i'm afraid that,,all the lecturers gonna mark today!! and if it is really happen today..i will lose a lotsa marks!!!omg!!
well..at this moment,my center of attention is B.tech!tomorrow is goin to be the submission day for Assignment 3 which is the construction drawing for public toilet...ONCE AGAIN,,,tonight is gonna be a sleepless night as well!!crap!

siesta!!!!! slumber!!!!!!! forty winks!!!!
i need u all damn much!!! at least a nap!!!!

REFRESH MY MIND!!

erm...yesterday was supposed to be the final submission for DESIGN 201 (the ocean ensemble-SPA)..yes,,as usual,again,i did submit my uncomplete work..i think it just finished 20% out of 100%..tht was really little work!...and today..i decided to change a bit my design..

"CHANGE"

the word 'change' here doesnt mean tht i change the whole concept cuz normally when it comes to the word 'change' i will change the entire concept of my design but for this project i guess there is no more time to make a fully changes..'change' in term of form only!!the concept remains the same... i think new ideas that juz came out from my mind are better and good enough to show my concept...hehe~~really would like to thank to Djah, Roy and Leon cuz they helped me a lot in this project...esspecially to Djah and Roy...u guys are GREAT!!hehe...i hope all the new ideas would help me to produce a better work and a great final product!!but the thing is now,, im thinking whether do i have enough TIME to make it works??? erm~~~

"TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO MAN"

" there's a race against time to submit this project!"